Sunday, September 26, 2010

The Secret Lives of Cancer Survivors

I just came across this Article on Breast Cancer and the impact on womens’ sense of sexual wellness. The article uses phrases like “sexual problems” and I couldn’t help feeling like the author is about 24 years old, single and has no difficulty finding a date. Judging from her FaceBook profile, I’d say I was pretty darned close. Marissa, if you happen to see this, the 45 year old you will look back on this article and scold the twenty-something you for letting your youthful sense of immortality sneak in to this article. You wrote it like you’re talking about your grandmother. Then again, maybe you were… I should grant you that room for grace, as I don’t know you.

Nonetheless, the articles on this study show a number of things:

  1. 7 of 10 breast cancer survivors see a negative change in their sex lives after the cancer.
  2. Changed body image means that most cancer survivors feel less appealing. (Surveys of the survivors’ partners did not corroborate this, however).
  3. The post cancer drugs (Tamoxifen seems to be one among them) are huge contributors to the loss of sexual interest.
  4. Chemotherapy made the sexuality issue worse at a uniform rate across all patients, regardless of surgery type, etc.
  5. Treating reduced sexual desire is done through counseling.

About 200,000 women are diagnosed with breast cancer every year in America, and more successful treatments are creating more survivors. In the United States, there are 2.4 million breast cancer survivors, many of whom will be facing the side effects.

I’ll spare you the specific details, but it’s safe to say that this cancer survivor partnership has experienced what this study is talking about.It’s very real.

Here’s the big “however'” thought, though…

Just being aware of what this study contains, C has become much more aware that she’s not alone in this battle. She has a list of things she “hates” about herself post-cancer. Many of them can be tied back to the issues on this study – body image concerns, physical changes, wanting to go back to who she used to be and being unable to reconnect with that person…

Knowing that she’s not alone, and that other members of the sisterhood are doing the same thing? It doesn’t make it better, but it does make it no longer about her specifically.

Separate from the Australian study mentioned above, here’s another resource from oncolink.com discussing how women react to their sexuality after cancer

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Teddy is Home

It's been a couple weeks that Teddy the Black Lab has been part of our family. A rescue dog, we took him in on an interim basis, while another family prepared for him. To be fair, we *did* tell the rescue people at Fences for Fido that we might opt to keep him. They were okay with that.

Well, as of yesterday morning, Teddy is now a permanent member of our family. We decided Monday morning. Teddy, apparently, celebrated by getting hit by a car later that morning. Yep. Welcome to the family!

I've facebooked about Teddy a little - pics mostly. Here's where I'm writing something a bit more thoughtful. What with him becoming a family member and all.

Teddy came to us excited and excitable. I hesitate to say scared; more like he was so attention starved that he'd love-lunge at anyone and everyone. His tail would wag the dog, he was so happy to interact. That much boundless enthusiasm was also easy to mistake as a threat. I think (but don't know for sure) that his previous family couldn't see the friendliness, just bounding nature. They apparently separated him from the family rather than including him. That only made matters worse.

We included him right away. He was so happy to be allowed to roam free in the house that he followed me everywhere the first couple days. When I took my shower, I had to leave the shower door open just enough for him to stick his head through. He had to be close.

He knew his commands. He heeled, came and sat. But he needed firmness and patience to do so -- just because he was so excited to GET attention that he forgot to PAY attention. Getting him to respond to his commands was slow, but he's steadily better.

He SOOOO loves to play. He hasn't gotten the running/bounding play out of his system quite yet. In fact, he needs to play this particular game a lot more so as to satisfy his pent up need and, hopefully, move past it.

Teddy joined us on pretty short notice. That first night, we had just a harness and a leash, plus his blankets and toys from his previous home. He was EVERYWHERE. he wanted behind EVERY door. He wanted to bound and patrol every square inch. He was nearly frantic but excited. The dog crate wasn't delivered yet, and his scratching behavior meant that we couldn't use a bathroom as a makeshift crate. So, that first night, I slept on the couch, with Teddy on a leash, lying on the floor next to me, with my hand in constant contact with him. In fact, if I moved my hand for any reason, Teddy got antsy, and woke me up. So I must have slept a couple hundred 3 minute cat naps that night. But, we got through it. And Teddy was calmer in the morning.

Each day he got calmer and calmer. We learned that Teddy likes walks. We learned that Teddy doesn't go far, and returns home quickly and easily...except when we NEED him to obey our command to come home <grin!> We learned that Teddy is skittish about cars, and behaves unexpectedly around them. We also learned that Teddy doesn't see roads as a barrier whatsoever (that's a learned human trait, clearly).

We then promptly got ourselves a dog crate and took Teddy camping in the High Desert of Oregon for nine days.

That trip bonded him to us pretty quickly.

The drive was an interesting one. Excitable as he was, Teddy wanted to climb into the drivers seat with me. It took a little coaxing to convince him that sitting on the floor between the front buckets in the van, and leaning his nose against the crook of my elbow would be sufficient. By the time we got to Salem, however, Teddy had decided that was an okay compromise. But he owned my elbow, just so you know.

Without a fence or containment system while camping, we had to build a level of trust pretty quickly. Teddy showed that he was willing to stay nearby, and that he'd not roam far. Since we had the whole campground to ourselves for most of the time, this worked out pretty well. The whole group could come and go as they pleased; Teddy would generally stay within 50 feet or so of whomever was showing the most action or movement. He started on a lead line - which irritated him and inspired him to bark - but as we learned to trust each other, he was off the line more and more. Some mornings, I just put him on the leash and took him with me wherever I happened to be -- cooking the pancakes, cleaning dishes, going to the bathroom, whatever.

In fact, going to the bathroom is a good measure for how he calmed down, connected to the family and demonstrated his intelligence.

When he first came to join us, a closed door triggered barks and immediate door scratching. That behavior was still present when we went camping. The first morning in camp, I took Teddy on a leash to the nearby pit toilet facility. Inside the building we went, and I locked the door behind us. The facility was handicap accessible, so there was plenty of room. but as soon as the door closed, Teddy got nervous. He barked, He scratched at the door. He wanted out. And, he wanted in at the same time. He just didn't want to be constrained is what is was.

Well, the second day, after a day of some free roaming, and snow play, we did the same drill. Teddy and I left the tent and headed to the pit toilet. Teddy did his business on the way, then hesitated a few seconds before agreeing to go into the toilet with me. He whined, but didn't bark. He scratched, but less than before.

On the third day, Teddy did his business in the same spot, then immediately started walking to the pit toilet without my lead. We went in. he whined a little, but did not scratch.

On the fourth day, Teddy would wait a little impatiently, but would be quiet throughout the duration.

It just kept going from there. By the end of the week, Teddy could generally be trusted to be non-threateningly calm when approaching a stranger. I say this carefully: he was still boisterous and puppy-like, but not so enthusiastic as to resort to lunging and jumping. This was great. Teddy could be trusted to stay around camp and to return to camp when called back. Without cars in the vicinity, this was very easy to work with (except for the car issue back at home, this arrangement would work in Portland too, Except...)

We learned that Teddy is amazingly vocal. He does have different sounds he uses for different meanings. After a couple days, I could tell when he was asking for food and water, versus when he was notifying us of a full bladder. The danger bark was clearly different from the welcome bark. It got pretty easy to read his meaning after a while.

And, he was so absolutely eager to please us. We clearly engaged him at his level much more readily than he'd experienced heretofore. He was only too happy to oblige and to conform. We have photos (posting to the blog separately) of R and Teddy frolicking along the edge of the lake. The scenes were the essence of "a boy and his dog" in the woods together. Teddy followed along with R as his trusty companion tirelessly.

Driving home, Teddy was all too happy to lay down on top of R's feet in the middle seats, and sleep. My elbow belonged to me again. R's feet? Teddy had traded up...

Upon our return home, Teddy has been more than acceptably calm. He's energetic. He's a puppy. He's nowhere near laconic. But he is calm, and he does collaborate and integrate into our family.

Except for cars.

Monday morning, Teddy bounded out the open front door before any of us could catch him. Running around the front of the house like he was camping again, oblivious to the unique dangers presented by a busy street during the morning drive, Teddy bolted in front of a car and got hit.

He's okay. An evaluation visit to the vet, some muscle relaxers/anti-inflammatories, and some rest and he'll be fine. Just two smallish abrasions on the outside, no apparent internal damage. He's a member of the family now.

The same day he collided with the car, our previously installed invisible fence containment system was put back on line. We haven't completed the training to the fence yet, but Teddy now wears a collar and will soon have free reign of 12,000 square feet of yard and forest. He won't be suffering.

Welcome to the family, Teddy. You found your home.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

School Starts

The 2010-2011 School Year began yesterday. R is officially in the seventh grade, and M is in the fourth. For R, this represents the end of a four-plus year effort to roll him back a grade to his appropriate age*. R is starting the school year off his ADD meds. We'll see how he does. We all agreed that, if he can function as well or better without the meds, we won't take them any more. So far, no calamities...

The first week is always a bit crazy... the school bus schedule changed. The bus driver didn't adhere to the new schedule, AND didn't know where the designated bus stop was. Class assignments were a little different than expected. C was there yesterday to work out all those details.

To top that off, Ballet class started at OBT on the same day. We went from the Labor Day holiday to a full-blown School day on Tuesday, replete with class, ballet and fencing. It was like our summertime hammock got launched off the aircraft carrier using the catapult.

Our short-term exchange student also started school on Tuesday. After class, he went with class friends downtown to Pioneer Square. No problem except that he took the wrong bus home and, while he got to within a mile of the house, he couldn't find his way for the last bit of the trip -- I picked him up at 9pm from a transit center that was the end of the line for the bus route he took. We worked out the details for next time, though.

The dog, Teddy, decided to bolt out the front door as C was going to pick the kids up from school, too. So the dog's roaming the neighborhood, C *has* to leave without delay, and I'm 25 miles away at work. The good news is that Teddy isn't really a *roamer*, he's more of a full-acre-of-territory kind of dog. When he realized nobody was chasing after him, he went home and sat on the front porch, waiting. Dave stopped by and let him back into the house. Crisis averted.

Of course, this is the same day that the kitchen sink clogs up, allowing the dishwasher to overflow onto the kitchen floor...while nobody is home. Thankfully there wasn't that much water.

So, it was controlled chaos yesterday. Typical for a first day back to school. Especially one that catapulted like this year's first day did... we did okay.

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* See, R's birthday lies right on the cutoff date between grades. R attended Kindergarten early at the Creative Children's Center way back when. When it came time to enter school, we had a choice of Kindergarten again, or First Grade. We chose First Grade because R needed the academic stimulation, and we took the risk that he'd be almost two years younger than the other kids in the class at neighborhood school. We'll, by mid-year in Second Grade (when he *should* have been a First Grader age-wise), R was doing 5th grade level work in some subjects. That's when we started learning about Access Academy.

Now that R is at Access, he's surrounded by like-talented kids, and in a program where he no longer needs to be moved ahead for academic stimulation. Access slowly rolled him back into the class with his appropriate age, and as of last spring, made his grade level official. R is now right where he belongs for his emotional abilities.