The Famlitution

At least, that's what M calls it.

We're writing a Family Constitution. Establishing our own set of beliefs, inalienable rights, expectations, and operating protocols. We started over the weekend, and captured a much more complete first pass than I expected. Given that both kids have some some study of The US Constitution in school already, and have contributed to the creation of a classroom constitution, the process of writing out a "Famlitution" was quite familiar to them. Upon suggesting a Constitution, I was met with an immediate, kind-hearted debate over which child got to write the preamble. This debate quickly "devolved" into the two of them riffing off each other, framing the preamble on the spot. Yeah. It was like that...I had to write fast and memorize the rest, lest we miss something.

So now we have a preamble, and ten "articles." Among the articles are:  "Personal Safety, Privacy and Dignity", "Communicating and Listening", "Openness and Honesty", "Integrity", "Family Decision-Making", "Grievances", "Who Makes Up the Family?" Among others. We discuss broad-stroke thinking on what we expect, and what might be done for discipline. We discuss how we make decisions and who gets to vote, and when. We discuss what to do when someone brings a challenging belief or idea to the family. When do we accept an Idea? When do we reject an Idea? How do we reject an Idea without rejecting the Person bringing it? The children themselves brought up the idea of family citizenship and how we allow someone to become a family member. I thought that was amazingly broad-minded of them.

It was an interesting process, and I got the sense that it did two things:

1. created an immediate sense of increased belonging, safety and influence in their surroundings, and
2. rekindled a sense of intimacy and caring between the siblings.

The rules would be made clear, and they both could hold the other accountable to those rules. Why? because they were written down. They didn't need to bicker through each momentary issue because they'd have a written document to use. They could each check the issue against the Famlitution for a self-ruling before even bringing up the topic.

A good thing, this Family Constitution.